One of the Most Powerful Tools

A Powerful Tool. Sometimes I think acknowledgment may be the solution to all the world's conflicts. As a young trial attorney many years ago in Alaska, I volunteered as a mediator at a conflict resolution center in the community. The key to a successful mediation, in case after case, was acknowledgment. I found that parties in conflict wanted nothing, including money and property, more than acknowledgment. When parties received acknowledgment from me, the dispute could usually be settled about half the time. When the parties acknowledged each other, I never had a case that did not settle. Two powerful types of acknowledgement are critical to connected communication.

Feelings Acknowledgment. This is when you communicate that you understand the feelings of the other. While empathy provides you with an understanding of the feelings of the other person, this type of acknowledgment closes the loop and communicates that understanding to that person. This is a tool for both speakers and listeners. Understanding that there is an equal and opposite reaction to every action, when you acknowledge the other's feelings, it almost guarantees that they will seek to understand your feelings. Just start asking other people how they feel and you'll be amazed at how they start asking you the same.

Message Acknowledgment. This is when you as a listener understands the message of the other. It involves questioning the speaker and then summarizing the speaker's message to ensure the accuracy and meaning of what was perceived. Often referred to as "active listening," this type of acknowledgment is powerful because it communicates to the speaker that their message is important. When the speaker is acknowledged in this way, they are more likely to seek to understand your message.

Profound Effects. Just think about the times you have been acknowledged in a sincere way by someone whom you respect. It was probably immensely gratifying and made you very open to the other things that person was communicating to you.

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